Find your inner cheerleader
This morning as I was driving along, there was a song playing on the radio: “Cheerleader” by OMI and the words go something like this: “Oh, I think that I found myself a cheerleader, she is always right there when I need her”.
The song made me think how lucky some of us are to have a cheerleader in our lives that cheers us on through both the good and bad times. But even if you have a really loving partner, sometimes they move on or get busy in their own lives and then you are on your own. You may get stuck if you are always waiting for someone to cheer you on, or you may end up in relationships that are no good for you, just to have someone around to avoid being lonely. To become your own cheerleader is an important step on the path to adulthood, but how do we do this?
We all have an inner voice inside our heads that talks to us and sometimes we even talk back or fight with them! Only when we are calm and peaceful does the ‘voice’ relax too and it is as if the voice and our inner being becomes one. Most of the time however, we have this running commentary or ‘monkey mind’ as some people call it, going on in our heads. The first step is to realize that this voice is not the real you and second, that you have the power to change this voice. Taking a step back and becoming aware that this voice isn’t you, puts you in the position of the observer from where you can take control. Become aware of your self-talk and take a good look at what that this voice is saying to you. Is it a friendly voice or a harsh voice criticising everything you think, say or do?
Ask yourself, if I said these things to my best friend, would they still be my friend?
Would you like to spend time with a friend who is always complaining, criticising, judging? No? So why would you put up with a voice like that? You spend 24 hours per day, 7 days a week with the voice in your head. Doesn’t it make sense to fire the critical, nasty friend and find one that is more friendly and supportive?
Why do we keep hanging out with the critical voice? Because we think that the only way to reach our goals or improve ourselves is by being hard on ourselves, strict, unforgiving and uncompromising. This approach may work some of the time but over time it becomes less and less effective, and furthermore, it leaves you with a harsh dictator rather than an inner friend. Where does this inner voice come from? Our inner voices are a mixture of all the significant people who played a part in our upbringing, parents, siblings, family members, teachers etc. and the beliefs we have about ourselves. If we’re lucky, the majority of these voices are positive, well-meaning and trying their best to cheer us on. Some are not so lucky and are still the victims of abuse, fault finding and judgment, many years after the abuse has stopped. Never mind how old we are, some part of our inner child is still with us and his/her voice is still just that of a young child, frightened and unsure of how to face our daily challenges. Shouting at this inner child sure is not going to help, it would rather hide away and stop trying.
When babies learn to walk, we encourage them, make the environment safe for them to explore, provide a helping hand or sturdy furniture to support them while they get stronger, and then, when they take their first step, we are there on the side, ready to catch them, cheering them on, clapping our hands and laughing with them as they succeed. We scoop them up, hug them and can’t wait to tell our family and friends the good news. Just like babies, we are all continually learning to do the walk of life. What would happen if we decided to treat ourselves as babies learning to walk? Just maybe we could learn to brush ourselves off after each fall and try again and again, spurred on by the words of a loving inner parent wanting to see us succeed, rather than the dictator telling us we will never amount to anything.
It is up to us to consciously decide to become our own best friend and our own cheerleader. Maybe we can even learn to treat ourselves just as good as we treat our best friends. If we succeed, perhaps we can even sing along: “Oh, I think that I found myself a cheerleader, she is always right there when I need her”.