The following is adapted from the book “Mindful Motherhood: practical tools for staying sane during pregnancy and your child’s first year.” Written by Cassandra Vieten, PhD. in 2009 and published by New Harbinger Publications, USA.
What is mindful motherhood?
Mindful motherhood, simply put, is being present, in your body, and connected with your baby no matter what is happening. It’s being aware of your experience from moment to moment, as it is happening, without pushing it away, trying to make it stay, or judging it as bad or good. It is meeting each situation as it is, and over time, more and more often, approaching whatever is happening with curiosity and compassion.
Mindful motherhood is not about becoming someone other than who you already are. It is not adding another task on your list of ‘things I must do to be a good mom’. It is aimed at helping you be in touch with your own inner wisdom, a wisdom that over millennia helped mothers instinctively know how to take care of their babies.
How can mindful motherhood help me stay sane?
With mindful awareness, challenging situations become more manageable, not because anything changes about them or even because how you think and feel about them has changed. Instead, they become more manageable because you learn a new way of approaching your experiences – your thoughts, your feelings, your bodily sensations – allowing them to be just as they are and greeting them with friendliness, gentleness and compassion. When you meet difficult situations with mindfulness, you get knocked off balance less often. And when you do get knocked off balance, you recover more quickly because you’ve learned how to remain present, aware and connected with your baby, no matter what is happening.
You learn that most experiences are temporary and to ride the waves rather than struggling against them or trying to control them. You also learn to respond to what is actually happening rather than reacting to your story about what is happening. You are less likely to translate normal and natural emotions like sadness, fear or anger into more chronic experiences of depression, anxiety, rage or shame. More and more you are able to act in alignment with your values and your goals to be the kind of mother you want to be. You are free to make choices, rather than being caught up in old habit patterns. And just as important as dealing with the challenges, mindful awareness opens the door to experiences of deep contentment, expansive joy, fierce love and warm sensuality. Being open to this depth of feeling can change your understanding of who you are and what you are capable of.
How can mindful motherhood help me with my baby?
A whole lot of being an effective mom rests on being able to stay in contact with your baby even when she is distressed. “Distressed” is a nice way of saying she is crying, screaming her head off, or sick, feverish, lethargic and too ill to cry. Staying in contact means that your body is warm and relaxed and you are able to return your baby’s eye contact, as well as being able to maintain connection with her through your sounds, touch and your breathing, even when she’s not happy. You are attuned or well-matched to your baby’s mood and are able to be a kind of mirror for her – one that both recognize her distress and convey the message that it’s okay to be feeling that way, that you can handle it, that you are not going anywhere, and that she will make it through this wave of emotion.
Staying in contact requires being able to deal with your own distress, whether that takes the form of tears, anger, racing thoughts, agitation, or just that generally overwhelmed, freaked-out feeling. When you practice mindful motherhood, you stretch your capacity to tolerate distress, both yours and your baby’s. It doesn’t ask you to try to change the content of your thinking, change what you are feeling, or change the situation. Mindfulness shows you how you can relate to each situation, just as it is, with acceptance and awareness, staying present in the moment and in nurturing connection with your baby. Each time you do this you very literally transmit that capacity to your child. Your baby senses that he is safe, that you are solid, that his own overwhelming experiences are not overwhelming you. Even when you do get overwhelmed or upset, your capacity to remain present and connected with your baby lays the groundwork for him developing a strong and secure sense of self.
Why now? Don’t I have enough on my plate?
There couldn’t be a better time to learn mindfulness than during pregnancy and early motherhood. You are already reorganizing your lifestyle and reorienting yourself to a whole new way of being, so you might as well reorient your perspective in a way that will help you not only with parenting, but with all of the situations and experiences you encounter in life. It’s something you can learn quickly, it doesn’t require drugs or years of therapy, and it doesn’t cost a lot of money. Becoming mindful as a way of being, is a lifelong journey, but there are some ideas and practices that you can learn now that will improve your ability to deal with stress and difficult moods, to get less caught up in negative thinking patterns and to be more available to the pleasurable moments and deep joy that motherhood can bring.”
The 3 primary practices of the program:
- Mindful awareness practicing while sitting: awareness of breathing, thoughts & feelings, body sensations, baby, self-compassion
- Mindful movement: yoga poses and other movements specially designed to be helpful during pregnancy and postpartum
- Mindfulness in everyday life: awareness during routine daily activities; awareness of: self-care needs, healthy behaviours, decision making & communication, relationships with others
Other topics for discussion over the 8 weeks:
- Acceptance, a key to motherhood.
- Awareness, your inner observer
- The train of thought
- Being present
- Qualities of mindfulness
- Compassion & connection
How do the sessions work?
The Mindful Motherhood Training is an 8-week course for pregnant women that combines videos, discussions, easy yoga poses (specifically chosen for pregnant mothers), and practical mindful exercises. Sessions are 2,5 hours long and include a tea break to socialize with the other mums-to-be. Learning mindfulness is like learning to speak a new language which takes a lot of practice and repetition and the more you practice at home, the easier it will become to stay mindful no matter what life (or your baby) throws at you.
The intention for this training is to be nurturing, supportive, challenging and fun. Preparing your body and mind for motherhood is really one of the most important things you could be doing with your time right now.
If you are interested in buying the book, here is a link.
The book is included in the course fee as well as all course materials, weekly handouts and links to online Mindful exercises.
Please contact me for more information and to find out when and where the next course will be: